You know you've played too much Quake when ...
1. You walk around with your head swaying to match the bobbing motion
2. You spin 180 degrees and walk backwards whenever you hear a sound behind you
3. You hear "Ka-ching" when you eat food
4. You yell "I got the flag!" when you pick up a set of keys
5. You befriend strangers wearing the same color pants
6. You start sidestepping around corners...
7. You change seats at the movies every few minutes so nobody will accuse you of camping!
8. When a cop pulls you over for running a stop sign you tell him you were lagged.
9. Whenever you walk into a room you look up at the ceiling.
10. You want to stay in college extra years to remain an LPB
11. Your favorite song is from the Quake soundtrack
12. The shirts and pants you own are all solid colors
13. You wish you could drive with a mouse
14. You Zig-zag when you walk down a long, straight hallway.
15. You spend $1500 stocking up on emergency medical kits, "Just in case".
16. You hurl insults at the local campground owner.
17. You run from carpenters with nail-guns.
18. You start throwing things into small rooms before you enter.
19. You refuse to put on a T-shirt in the morning, except if it's red and floating two feet above the ground.
20. You wake up in the morning and the dog jumps on your bed, you think "Shit, telefragged!"
21. You constantly avoid big, crowdy rooms.
22. When you type something on your computer at work, you hit the 'T' key first.
23. You never change outfits, and whenever your friends change clothes you accuse them of trying to cheat and fool you.
24. You begin to wish that you could actually use the mouse to move you around in real life.
25. The Dope Fish begins to make perfect sense.
26. You're shocked that you keep running into walls, despite shouting out the words "No clip!"
27. You're shocked that you aren't God, despite, well, you know...
28. Your family is getting pissed that you keep hitting the walls of your house with an axe, even if you have a valid excuse for it.
29. You're surprised that you lose more than 5 percent of your health after jumping out of the window of your seventh floor bedroom.
30. You are amazed that you can walk around so fast, and are impressed with the real life server's ping time.
31. When you're buying a new car, and asked to choose a color, you instinctively choose a red one, for greater protection against rockets...
32. Most everyone around you uses a strange shape for the letter Q, and not the one your used to anymore.
33. You have bought a big new house and you're wondering why the heck you never get a "you have found a secret area" message any time you enter a new room.
34. You are surprised when you see windows that actually have glass in them.
35. You are going on vacation but refuse to stay in places where people are camping.
36. Each time you see an old building made of brownish bricks you are greeting it with "Cool, Gloom Keep!!!".
37. Each time you watch a movie where a guy picks up his weapon, you always think of the line "You Got The Double Barreled Shotgun".
38. At shopping centers, you are using more time looking up and down at the various floors rather than shopping, because you think the 3D architecture is really cool.
39. When you arrive at the public swimming pool, you ask the attendant where the heck the bio-suit is.
40. You are disappointed each night when you go to sleep because you don't get the "end of level" message when you close your eyes.
41. You are using the Q symbol as wallpaper in your Windows setup.
42. You are using the Q symbol as wallpaper on your personal webpage.
43. Your hand reaches for the F6 key every time something in your life goes well. You also look for the F9 key every time you screw something up!
44. Somebody annoys you, and you wonder where you can get a quad damage powerup so you can gib them just by punching them.
45. You happen to glance down and are startled by your own feet.
46. You slip while tiling your roof and are instantly comforted by the realization you'll only take 5 points of damage.
47. You keep forgetting to push elevator buttons.
48. You ask to see the super nail gun at the hardware store, and then ask the clerk about its range.
49. You try to tele-frag people by following them to the elevator and jumping
in afterwards. You then wonder why this did not kill everybody. Depressed,
you pull out your shotgun and shoot everyone repeatedly.
50. When you hear a chainsaw you stop to see where the grenades are coming from.
51. When a few yards from someone in a long hallway you reach for a rocket launcher.
52. When you glue a shift key to your steering wheel to make your car go faster.
53. You draw "+"'s on your sunglasses.
54. You shout out "lag!" when climbing a steep hill.
55. If the supermarket doesn't have the item you want, you camp next to the shelf waiting for it to respawn.
56. When walking towards a corner, you start turning 10 feet before you reach it and still manage to slide half way across the road into oncoming traffic.
57. You compulsively push on architectural details on buildings. If you live in Pioneer Square this can turn a walk to the corner store into a day-long ordeal.
58. You want to shoot stained-glass windows.
59. When you're talking on IRC, you type the T before typing the message.
60. Every time you see something about Jesus, you wonder if he has his own console-command too just like his dad.
61. You run away from pregnant women because "they glow".
62. Only after your hard drive crashed did you realize your wife had filed for divorce, your dog had died and your children were in college.
63. You've noticed you can only get sexually aroused when your girlfriend dresses like that "Quake2 chick".
64. You know Carmack's birthday but not your mother's.
65. if you want to suicide to become an observer.
66. when you try to get something, can't reach it and start looking for a rocket launcher to rocket-jump towards it.
67. Every time you see someone in jeans and a red shirt you start to shout "Damn crossdresser, change your outfit!"
68. You always buy red jackets.
69. When you hear a shotgun-like noise you start jumping around and running across the room.
70. You wear a blue flashlight thinking it will frighten people.
71. When you catch yourself typing your Quake nick under a business e-mail
72. When you're typing 'quit' to exit a DOS box.
73. When you murder someone you peek over your shoulder to see if he's gonna respawn behind you.
74. You try to 'vis' the river next to your house.
75. When you get upset about the amount of campers when you drive past a few tents and mobile homes.
76. When you start to hit the T-button on your keyboard when you want to say something to your colleagues.
77. When you start wearing a "I hate Campers" T-shirt during your vacation in the trailer park.
78. When you start yelling at people who say Sinterklaas and Santaclaus still exist, since you're certain you fragged them both on xs4all.
79. When you think your goal in life is to get four runes.
80. When you think there's a shambler firing at you when you see lightning.
81. When you think Chton awakes when you hear the thunder.
82. When you run away from every spider you see thinking it's a vore.
83. When you shout "kill" when you want to commit suicide.
84. When you wonder why you couldn't choose a difficulty setting when you were born.
85. When you see a volcanic erruption and wonder why Chton doesn't come out.
86. When you kick people because you don't want them in your game.
87. When you shoot at every suspicious wall, hoping for a secret area to open.
88. When you stand in front of a door for hours waiting for it to open.
89. When you draw a pentagram on your T-shirt and think you're invinceble.
90. When you're dead and surprised that you can't respawn.
91. When you try to zig-zag to run faster.
92. When you start shouting "Campers" to a couple of fisher man...
93. When you're being robbed you can't stop yourself of strafing and jumping all the time...
94. When you say "How many frags have you got?" when you have received you test papers at school...
95. When you say: "trespasser" when you seen your relatives walking through the room.
96. When you press a light switch expecting an elevator to come down.
97. When you write in your last will that a backpack has to stand near your coffin.
98. You walk over everything that's on the ground expecting you will pick it up automatically,
99. You don't understand why you get food at dinner, all you want are big brown boxes with red crosses on them
100. Every time you see an EXIT-sign you run towards it, relieved you ended the level,
101. You ask a friend how many people he killed last night and don't understand why other people jump back schocked by the conversation,
102. You are amazed you can walk and simultaneously talk,
103. You see a large group of people and wish for a Rocket or Grenade Launcher because of the easy more-players-in-one-shot fragging,
104. You write the weapons of Quake with capitals :)
105. You put on a pair of glasses and shout "Hey cool, just like F11!"
106.You shout "Ogre!" or "Shambler!" at fat people and "HPB!" at people with a slow mind,
107. You put on a ring and think you're invisible,
108. You search for shells, understand you have none at home, shout you need
rockets, call NASA for some, being denied them you hurry to the hardware
store and buy all the nails you can. It is then you realize what you have
done; you got the nails IRL! But there are no Super Nailguns in this world.
Real life sucks indeed,
109. You do something stupid and hope you weren't recording a demo,
110. You run to the World Trade Center, rip all the flags from their poles, run to a phonecell, phone home and asks if base is safe,
111. You can't move your hands in any position other that the one playing Quake with,
112. You can come up with a reason that you can tell someone has played too much Quake,
113. You understand what is meant by all the submitted entries on this page,
114. You browse through a fashion-magazine and think, "Hmmm, nice skins,"
115. You close your eyes and shout angrily, "Damn, that fucking server disconnected again!"
116. You're not fully awake until you can win a deathmatch.
117. It's time to go to bed when you start losing.
118. Whenever you walk into a crowded room you shout "Who want's to die first?"
119. Whenever you see someone running, you keep wondering where they're hiding their weapon
120. You don't understand why everybody looks scared when you walk around on the street with only an axe. It's not like it's a Rocket Launcher is it?
121. You still hear the sound of bouncing grenades ringing in your ears the next day.
122. You wonder what the timelimit is on this level, because you've been in it for years now.
123. When there's one of those moments when everybody is suddenly quiet in a crowded room you start praying that the server didn't crash.
124. When realising you suddenly playing Quake after you saw the sign "Where do you want to GO today?"
125. When you are making new friends and ask the question in which clan he is part of.
126. When you are in a waitroom and try to explain to the people around you that you haven't to wait for a weapon THAT long!
127. You wonder why people walking in a thinny T-shirt trough out the summer and still feel safe with such a low protection.
128. When you say at work a look-a-like word like Quake. You start gigling in yourself... and remembers the ones you fragged last night..
129. You thought clan [US] and clan [IRAQ] were playing a clanwar on quake.kuwait.com
130. You wonder why the scores don't show up after you die
131. You're reading these lines
132. You enter a server, find out it's totaly empty en still have a good
time. Running en jumping around, perfecting your rocketjumps, and finally
feel what it's like to have a Red Armer and 200% health.
133. When your agenda is full of IP addresses
134. You wonder why not every door opens automatically and you start searching for the button
135. When you start jumping everytime you see your friends (if you have them; Quake is all you need!)
136. When you start jumping everytime you see just anyone to avoid possible rockets
137. When people at works accuse you of using the word "Quake" everyday and they think you smoke too much cannabis
138. When Quake is in your startupfolder in windows
139. When you see a blinking light and you think you've found a secret
140. People get mad when you keep shooting at the windows
141. When you think the normal daylight is too bright
142. When you play recorded quake sounds on your walkman
143. When you want to rocketlaunch your parents
144. When you try out-strafing a rocket from a Bazooka in the Jugoslav war...
145. When you start to wonder after installing the patch, why people still wont light up in the dark...
146. When you wonder round the city, and desperate for a hook because walking is so slow..
147. Swiming in the swimming pool and threatening people to kick them if they discharge you...
148. When you notice your Admin code won't help much against the 2.10 meter Asshole next you..
149. When you're asking everybody to buy your Monster3D, so you can buy a MonsterII.
150. When you read any of this shit in an attempt to distract yourself from Quake
151. In GLQuake How many Hell Knights does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, there are no light bulbs in GLQuake, thats why its so damn dark. (Kenn)
152. q2 joke: "QUICKLOAD" (-TwaTer)
153. When you say I'd like to put my rocket luancher in your grisly grotto" to your wife (Dark Phoenix)
154. What goes click, "ahhh!", respawns, and boom? Someone with really bad lag. (Dark Phoenix)
155. What goes wack, wack, wack, wack!? Brett Jacobs watching the girls ponytails in Q2 ;) (Dark Phoenix)
156. What do you call a quake player with two sheep under his arms? -- A pimp!
157. When you walk up to very old people, asking them if they have a high ping 

You know you're really lagged when...
1. All you do is run up to walls and blow yourself away with rockets.
2. You take your finger off the shoot button and keep shooting for 30 seconds.
3. You fire 25 rockets and all you manage to do is kill yourself.
4. Walking through doorways becomes a major ordeal.
5. Aim? yeah right.
6. People call you a camper, but you'd move if you could.
7. You run around like a drunk on ice.
8. You have 1 frag.
9. You "wake up dead" whenever you join a match.
10. You are easily killed with the blaster.
11. You check to see if your phone cord is plugged in. That's funny, that little icon is wrong.
12. You move around, shoot your gun, grab a soda, take a leak, and then see where you went and if you got a frag.
13. You feel you've really accomplished something if you manage to keep your frags positive numbers.
14. You run by a weapon 5 times before you actually grab it.
14b.Hey, at least you can rotate to look at that weapon as you go by it.
15. You go to your dos prompt, type PING 199.171.27.87. Nothing happens. Strangely, a few days later while you happen to be at a dos prompt, it suddenly says "Why bother?"
16. Your best defense is to type messages to people so they have to pause for a few seconds to respond. What init string do you use?
17. At night you dream of a T1 connection, AND running a -listen server on it. You wake up with a smile, but it fades when reality sets in.
18. You tilt your screen sideways so you can look at things correctly for a change.
19. You play on team servers alot.
21. Not only are your packets lost and out of order, some stop at the Taco Bell drivethru.
22. Your local internet provider has a fractional T1 and 50,000 subscribers.
22b.The same provider leases dedicated full T1 lines.
23. Your speech starts to la... CONNECT 199.171.27.87 ..g too. "Damn, I lost all my words. I almost had 6!"
24. You construct a altar to worship Tokay's 30 ping.
25. You lose your "gib packet" and just lie down for no reason, making no sound.
26. Your opponents move 10 feet at a time, making them impossible to hit.
27. Teamplay 1 Grenades in a busy room are your only hope to get frags.